The terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day

Holy cow, am I ever in a bad mood today. Why? Not so sure. Yes, the fact that Nathan woke up at 4:45am to nurse and never went back to sleep might have something to do with it. But that's really kind of a regular occurrence and not one that usually turns me into the Grinch.

John has gingerly suggested that maybe it is all my changing hormones and he's probably right. I somewhat recently weaned Nathan back to only nursing at his bedtime and the (oh-so-early) morning feed. The rest of the day, he's on his own. So yes, my hormones have been shifting because of that, but we've been on this schedule for a couple of weeks now. You'd think my body would have adjusted. And of course, since I haven't actually ovulated or had a period since we conceived Mr. Nathan, and we don't use birth control because it seems I really don't ovulate when I'm nursing, my mind has jumped ahead and thought "Hey, cool, baby on board...?"

But it seems very unlikely, since I really don't seem to ovulate until I wean completely. It was that way with Sabrina, and seems that way now. So it's just an additional mind trick to play on an already cranky mind. Not cool.

Blech. I need a nice fuzzy frothy drink, like say a strawberry margarita, and a warm sunny beach to lie on for a few hours, with no demands or guilt or needs placed on me. Which just makes me all the more cranky to contemplate.

Sigh.

Too. Much. Noise.

Ever feel like you're on sensory overload? It happens to me all the time now as a mom. I think exhaustion has something to do with it, but it's like every kid toy that we have makes noise and has blinking lights. Sometimes all you have to do is walk by a toy and it will light up and start singing. And both my kids make noise and (although they don't have blinking lights) they sure seem to operate on one of two volume levels - loud or louder.

Right now, Sabrina is playing with a toy that spells words and Nathan is playing with a toy that signs the alphabet song. He is also throwing the magnets that fit into Sabrina's toy, making what is surely a satisfactory (to him, anyway) noise every time they hit the floor. Okay, okay, the toys are both educational and I'm all for educational toys, plus Nathan is doing his best to sign the alphabet song, a truly endearing thing since he's only 15 months old and can only warble along incoherently.

But I've been up since 4:45am, which is when Nathan woke up to feed and then never went back to sleep. He will surely take a nap soon because he's tired. I, however, will get no such luck since Sabrina's up and there is much to do around the house. And this all just feels like too much. Too much noise. Too much stimulus. Too much of everything.

So I could use some peace and quiet. But instead, I will get the alphabet song running through my brain like a persistent virus for the next several hours.

Why can't they put some, say, David Gray or Sarah Maclaughan songs in kid toys? Surely the kids wouldn't notice the difference and it might actually contribute to parental sanity. Just a thought. (But save me, god save me, from the muzak crap that seems to be so popular with some parents. Why take a beautiful symphony and turn it all tinny and strange sounding for kids? Just play the actual freaking symphony! It might actually be educational AND inspriational for the kids. How is that bad? I'm just saying.)

And all through the house...

Do you hear that? Do you? It's the sound of quiet. Sssssh. Listen! That, my friends, THAT is a sweet sound. Okay, maybe not as sweet as the sound of my darling daughter saying something funny or my son's precious first words, but still very, very sweet.

Yes, it's true. The kids are in bed and they are asleep. They may even stay that way. Sabrina generally sleeps all the way through these days, unless she happens to need to go potty or can't find her water bottle. And well, Nathan doesn't. Nope, he does not. He's still happily on the "Hey, let's eat every 3 hours" plan.

But me, I'm not so happy about that plan any more. He's almost 15 months. I have always said I'd feed him at night until it was a problem for me. Well, up until now, it hasn't really been a problem. He didn't like to eat solid food and I thought he needed the calories. So I was willing to get up with him at night and feed the little guy. But now he's 15 months and he's eating more solid food. And I'm tired. I've been tired for the past 15 months. It's time for a change.

(OH, I so get what I deserve - Nathan just woke up crying! I went to check on him, and he's back asleep, but god, that's funny. I should learn to keep my mouth shut!!)

Anyway, I'm going to start night weaning him. It's time. I need to sleep. Stay tuned.

Heave ho!

So the stomach flu is slowly working its way through this family. First, John had it. Then Sabrina got it, but she had it in this really weird form - last Sunday, she threw up twice and I got all geared up to deal with the stomach flu for the next 24 hours, but nope, that was it, she was fine. Then two nights later, I went in to check on her before I went to bed myself and found that she had thrown up on her pillow and was asleep in the middle of it. I went and got John and then we went in to get her cleaned up, and when we asked her about it, she said she was just sleeping. No recollection about throwing up, no comment about going right back to sleep in the middle of all that nastiness.

She's been fine ever since. Such a strange kid.

But now Nathan has it, and he's taking a much more traditional approach to it. Friday night, around 3:00 am, I heard him on the baby monitor, making noise. So I went in and fed him as usual (I know he's 14 months now and yes, I know he shouldn't be needing to eat at night. I swear I'll go into this another time), and then I went back to bed. But I could still hear him in there, awake. And when he started to fuss, I just thought "Forget it, I'm not staying up with him while he's having a party in his crib." So I went and got him and brought him into bed with me.

He started to fall asleep and then bam! he just started vomiting like crazy. I jumped up, woke up John, and we went through the motions of cleaning everything up. The next morning, he threw up again, and that's how the day went - he'd cry and cry and then doze a little bit and then throw up again. Rinse. Repeat.

He's better now. But you know what this means, don't you? John has had it. Sabrina has had it. Now Nathan has had it. The only person who hasn't had it? Yup, you guessed it. Me.

Oh, joy. I just can't wait....

Let it snow

So I'm being a bad mom today. Well, that's relative, I suppose. It's snowing outside, and has been since at least 2:30am, which is when I first got up to feed Nathan. (Yup, he's almost 13 months old and yup, he still gets up to feed in the middle of the night. That's probably the topic of an entry all on its own.) Anyway, it's really pretty out there, but I have a theory about driving in snow - don't do it if you don't have to. Although I did grow up in Colorado, I lived in California for 10 years, and my snow driving skills are a bit rusty. Plus, anytime I feel driving might be risky and I have the kids with me, well, that gives me pause.

So Sabrina isn't going to preschool this morning. And I feel almost gleeful in my decision. Not that I want her to miss school, per se, but I don't really mind that she's missing THIS school. In the 2 months that she's been there, I've had a few issues with the staff there. I'm not happy with the administrative staff, and I also don't like the assistant teacher in her classroom. She's clearly insecure in her authority over the kids, and the kids obviously can feel that, because anytime she's alone with them, it's total pandemonium.

If I'm dropping Sabrina off and it's just this assistant teacher there (we'll call her Miss M) and the lead teacher (we'll call her Miss T) isn't there yet, I won't leave Sabrina there until Miss T arrives. Miss M usually has to go get another teacher to help her restore order in the classroom, and she overcompensates by nearly yelling at the kids and getting right in their faces. If I didn't think highly of Miss T, which I do, I'd have yanked Sabrina out of there awhile ago.

As for the administration, I've gone to them a couple of times with questions or concerns and felt that I was basically dismissed without much consideration. And that makes me mad. I'm paying plenty of money for my daughter to go there - you may very well be the director of the place or what have you, but that doesn't make any decision you make automatically correct or sound.

Needless to say, I've found a new school for Sabrina to attend this summer and next fall, but they don't have any current openings. And I really do like Miss T, the lead teacher in her classroom. And I don't want to change Sabrina's world again until I really have to, because this move to Colorado was big enough to last us all awhile. So she'll stay put until we can move her over to the new school this summer, unless something happens that I just can't stand any longer.

So no school today for us. We'll just play here at home, do some laundry, and then go play in the snow. Sounds a lot better than school to me!

Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?

So Sabrina is now 3. And I'd really like to know where my daughter is and who on earth has possessed her body in the meantime. This girl is CRAZY. One minute, she'll be totally fine and sweet and telling us all about her imaginary friends and the next minute, she's screaming bloody murder about nothing that I can immediately discern. And she'll totally be losing her mind. It's impressive, really.

She'll also refuse to agree with you on anything, no matter what it is. We were driving in the car the other day and she was angrily refuting everything either John or I had to say. Finally, out of desperation and frustration, John said "Sabrina, the sky is blue." "NOOOOOOOO," came the scream from the backseat, "It's GREEN. It's GREEN! IT'S GREEEEEEEEEEN!"

Well, at least you can laugh at a moment like that. If you don't laugh, you'll just start losing your ever-loving-mind, and my mind is on a pretty thin string as it is these days.

I guess there's grace in knowing that this isn't really my daughter, not really. I mean, this is not her true personality. If so, I'd commit both of us to a professional's care right now. It's just that she's three and trying really, really hard to figure out how to be independent. Which, when you're still this little, is a very tall order in such a big world.

I just think that I may need to keep an exorcist on speed-dial for awhile. Or at least a mental care professional....for me, not for her.

Got milk?

So Nathan continues to despise solid food. We vainly put him in his highchair every day and bring out baby food of various kinds and flavors, put on his bib, and then manage to get maybe one teaspoon in his little mouth. Then he closes up like a vault and nothing else is getting in there, man. And he's wise to us now. We can smile and laugh and play silly games with him all we want, and he may smile back if we're really hilarious, but he ain't opening that mouth. No way, jose. It isn't gonna happen.

Yesterday I was holding him and eating crackers and he was watching me eat very intently. And he was opening and closing his mouth and making little smacking sounds. So I whisked him over to the kitchen, got out a cheerio, bit it in half and put the other half in his (amazingly) open mouth. To my absolute delight, not only did he eat it, he seemed to enjoy it. He ate a few more before starting to turn them away. No big deal, I thought, and hurrah, he's eating!

So when John came home, I couldn't wait to show him our new trick. I got out a Cheerio, bit it in half, and held it out, beaming, to Nathan. Who proceeded to jam his mouth closed and cry.

I am starting to worry, and it's a good thing he has a doctor's appointment next week. I mean, I think he's doing fine on my milk, he seems to be growing, although not at the crazy pace he was for his first six months. I just don't know what else to do. If he doesn't want to eat the food, he doesn't want to eat the food. I wonder if there's something else going on. Does it hurt him? Did his time in the NICU after he was born, with tubes down his throat, make putting things in his mouth equal torture? I just don't know.