It ain't over

So my symptoms have continued, despite being on antibiotics for the UTI for 4 days. Usually, relief from antibiotics with such things is quick and thorough. Not so much this time.

Not much fun, this. And I don't get what is going on. So I finally called the clinic today and talked with a nurse who was actually very understanding. It would be so easy for anyone to just dismiss me and say that this is all just part of being pregnant and having a UTI, but she really listened. And seemed to actually get that I'm not functioning well and that I'm miserable. And worried, because I have found myself limiting my liquids, just because I can't stand the non-stop trips to the bathroom and mentally mapping out my errands in terms of the closest potty.

So they're having me come in on Thursday to get checked, have an ultrasound to see where the baby is (possible the baby's head is just banging around on my bladder, I suppose), and to check my glucose level.

And that's what's got me spooked - I looked up gestational diabetes, and although I have none of the risk factors, one of the symptoms it mentions is an increased need to urinate. Which is so me right now.

I know, I know, gestational diabetes can be managed and I suppose everything will be fine if that's the diagnosis. But I eat well. I work out. I haven't gained much weight. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing, and this still might be happening...?

Sigh. I'll keep you posted.

So I'm not crazy after all

The hospital called today. Turns out that I have an infection after all. They're going to call in a prescription for me and I gotta say, I'm really looking forward to picking that thing up.

For one thing, I'm hoping to get some sheer relief from these symptoms, symptoms that I had started to think I was simply going to have to live with. And symptoms that were making me wonder if I was crazy, since the official results had been negative.

Well, they're not so negative after all, and I feel relieved in a lot of ways. And I'm hoping to put this whole thing behind me and get back to life without hundreds of trips to the bathroom every day.

The results are in...

...and apparently, nothing is wrong with me.

Things had gotten progressively worse with the whole 'need to go to the bathroom' issue, until yesterday, when I literally was heading for the restroom every 5 minutes or less. Still no pain or anything, but the urge was non-stop.

Now you girls (and compassionate husbands/boyfriends/brothers/fathers, etc.) know that when you have a UTI, you have the same problem. Can't stop needing to go. So I finally called the hospital, because of course it was Sunday afternoon and the clinic was closed. How often do you have a medical issue that happens when your doctor is actually available, I ask you?? Anyway, I got put through to Labor and Delivery, where a very friendly-sounding resident informed me that yes, it sounded like a UTI and no, she couldn't prescribe anything over the phone. I had to come in. Never mind that the hospital is 45 minutes away and I didn't really want to go in to Labor and Delivery, just for a UTI. But it didn't matter. Once I had spoken with the doc, who took down my name, I kind of had to go.

So I made the drive, went in, got put into a triage room in the Labor and Delivery floor, all the while feeling like a fool. I must have seemed like one, too, because I was a little antsy and yup, you guessed it, I had to go to the bathroom. The nurse was nice, had me provide a urine sample, checked the baby's heartbeat, etc., etc. Then she disappeared, and awhile later, a nice resident came in.

The UTI test came back negative, it seemed, so now it was time to check for amniotic fluid or anything else scary or bad. I'll spare you the details of the exam (never fun), but basically, those tests came back negative too.

So what's wrong with me? No one knows, although gentle hints about urinary incontinence were banded about. I felt like such. a. fool. Here I was, not even 6 months pregnant yet, in the Labor and Delivery floor, with what was amounting to a common and typical pregnancy symptom - the need to pee.

Aaarrrgh. I still feel slightly ashamed, as if I should have just waited and let the misery continue until today when the clinic was open. Of course, they would have had me come in too, and they're literally next door to the hospital, so the drive would have been the same.

But still. John keeps saying it was better that we were safe, because UTIs can be bad in pregnant women, and in many ways, it really seemed like that was what I had. Still does, to be honest.

Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to seeing my doctor at the next visit, a sharp and to-the-point woman who definitely gives me the impression that she's not expecting such foolishness from a woman who has been pregnant before.

Sigh. And you know what? I still have to pee.

To pee or not to pee...

Before you roll your eyes and think "Not another potty training post!", have no fear. This one is actually about me, not Nathan. And before you think "Ewww!", try to stick with me for a minute here.

The scoop is this - I'm 5 months pregnant now and all of a sudden during the past two days, I have had periods when I literally need to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I kid you not. At the gym this morning, I went to the bathroom 6 times in the course of an hour. During the 20-minute drive to Sabrina's taekwando class yesterday, I nearly wet myself in the car, despite having gone to the bathroom twice before leaving.

What's the deal??? This is seriously annoying and frustrating. I'm almost wondering if I have an infection, but the other usual symptoms of a UTI aren't there. So is this just pregnancy? I didn't go through this sort of thing with my first two pregnancies, so I'm in uncommon ground. I thought about calling the doctor's office and speaking to a nurse today, but I felt like an idiot. "Um, yes, hello, I'm pregnant and I have to pee all the time. Yes, I know that's normal. No, this isn't my first pregnancy. Yes, I should probably know better than to call with silly questions. Okay, I'm hanging up now."

But c'mon, I honestly can't function like this. I have places to go, children to take care of. Between me and Nathan (oh, you know I couldn't resist), I'm practically LIVING in our bathroom right now.

And frankly, I'm kind of done with it.

The potty diaries

So the potty chronicles continue. Nathan has realized that he has power over the situation and things came pretty much to a standstill. He didn't want to go potty, didn't want to be taken to the potty, etc., etc.

It was at the point where we either upped the ante or gave up, and I personally think inconsistency makes things worse with kids. So we went to Target and stocked up on Hot Wheels cars and even a few Thomas trains to reward him with when he finally did his business in the potty.

It seems to be working at least to some degree, since he'll agree to go sit on the potty and will stay there (most of the time) until something happens. There have still been a couple of puddles on the floor today, but I feel much less like I'm going to go crazy trying to get this little guy to make the connection.

I'm not saying this the ideal way of doing it. But we're trying and we're trying to do it in a good, fair, and supportive way for him. And I'd really like him to be potty trained by May, when the baby is due. So if I look at it in a long-term view like that, I can deal. I guess. Although I really am sick of puddles on the floor.

Holding a grudge

Have you ever found yourself holding a grudge against your child? I have to admit, I'm holding one this morning. Sabrina was up for hours last night, calling me every 10-15 minutes just to tell me she didn't want to sleep. And I admit, I got good and mad after the first few trips to her room. She didn't need anything, she had already been taken to the potty, and I knew that if she would just lay down and was quiet, she'd fall asleep. Sitting up in bed and calling for me wasn't going to help anything.

And yet, call she did. I finally told her that she had lost her treat for today (she can earn a sticker or watching part of a favorite movie every day through good behavior), and that I was simply not coming back into her room until morning. And she was finally, finally! quiet.

But I was mad. I'm 5 months pregnant and exhausted on a general basis. I don't mind getting up with the kids when they legitimately need something, but this was just 4-year-old irrationality at its best.

And I'm still mad this morning. I realize, by the way, that it isn't fair. She's a kid, I'm the adult. She did in fact eventually go to sleep, and so did I. And she's totally over it. I'm just not. But I'm trying. I realize it makes no sense to still be mad. She doesn't deserve it.

But I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of having sleep robbed from me. And it's only going to get worse - baby #3 still has yet to arrive. Will I ever sleep well again?

Are you a good parent? Am I?

Sometimes bad parenting is easy to spot. For instance, 7 News here in Denver recently ran a story about a father who left his 4-year-old asleep in a car in below-freezing temperatures for hours...while he went inside a nearby house and "visited" with a 13-year-old girl. (You can read the story here.)

I think it's safe to say that we can all agree that, my friend, is very poor parenting. In fact, it's pretty much paramount to abuse.

But what about the rest of us in our everyday lives? I often wonder where I stand on the spectrum of parenting. I'm pretty sure I'm a good mother...but don't we all think that? Isn't that, in fact, part of the reason we can get up in the morning after being up all night with the baby, feed the 4-year-old-breakfast, deal with the fact that everyone's tired and cranky...and still manage to get everyone fed and dressed and ready and maybe even sing along to "Old McDonald Had a Farm" in the car on the way to school for the fifty-millionth time?
But does that make us a good parent? Or just a parent?

It's hard to say. Perhaps even impossible. I tend to hold myself up against a slew of mothers that I imagine are out there, "good" mothers who don't snap at their kids no matter how tired they are, who manage somehow to keep the house clean on a constant basis, who can spend their days raising their children while they act as the family chauffeur, cheerleader, housekeeper, cook, oh, and even income-maker of the family...and still have energy and time at the end of the day for their husband.

And I try, I really do, to keep up with all those imaginary mothers. But I admit that there are days that I do snap at my kids, that my house does get dirty (and sometimes stays that way for awhile), and that I quite frankly get really worn out trying to do everything and be everything to everyone. But I still believe that I'm doing my best and that my kids are happy, healthy, curious, polite, funny, and sweet (who, me, biased?), so I must be doing at least okay in terms of the parenting standard.

However, I decided to turn to the experts to see what actually makes a good parent. To read more about what I found, check out my new webpage at: http://www.examiner.com/x-2370-Denver-Early-Childhood-Parenting-Examiner~y2009m1d15-Are-you-a-good-parent