Regarding same-sex marriage

The whole same-sex marriage thing gets me all worked up. And seeing yet another failure for equal rights to get passed in Maine makes me sad. So without further ado:

Let's talk about the whole same-sex marriage thing. Let's stop and think about this for a few minutes, shall we? Because, really, what we're talking about is love. The right of one person to love another. And whether or not other people have the right to determine if that love is acceptable.
First of all, with so much hatred in the world and the terrible, awful things that we humans do to each other on a daily basis, do we really want to expend our energy on policing love, of all things? How about policing hatred for awhile and see how that goes first? Once we've wiped out hatred and abuse in this world (heck, maybe just in this country), then perhaps we'll have the leisure time to turn our attention to caring about who other people love and why.
But let's turn the tables for a second. If you are one of the people who think that same-sex couples should be denied marriage, let's play pretend. Let's pretend that YOU are the target and another group who call themselves the "Moral Majority" has decided that they have the right to decide how your life should go. That's right, people who don't know you and moreover, don't want to know you, those people are going to decide some really huge and important things for you. Such as whether or not you have the right to love the person you love. And they are going to go about defining the boundaries of the life you want to lead with that person.
Let's pretend that a group of people you've never met has decided that you shouldn't get to be married to your spouse. No, they don't know you. Nope, they'll never meet you or your beloved. But they want to tell you that you and your beloved are wrong. And that you shouldn't have the right to legally be committed to each other.
Doesn't feel so good, does it? But let's keep going. Let's say that all you want to do is live a life with the person you love and maybe even raise a family with them. But the Moral Majority says that because they don't agree with that, then you shouldn't get to do it. Because somehow, they have the right to make decisions for everyone else, based on what they believe.
This is where we're at. This is what yet another vote against same-sex marriage gets us. Now don't get me wrong - if you want to live your life a certain way, go for it. If the Bible is your own personal instruction manual, then that's great. More power to you - you should live your life according to how you feel it should be. But just because you believe something to be true, does that make it true? Does it make it true for someone else, independent of its truths for your own personal belief system?
The fact is, it doesn't.
In other words, if other people don't have the say over who YOU marry, then what the hell gives you the right to decide who *they* should marry? If they can't tell you what legal rights you should have in the boundaries of your marriage, where do you get off telling other people what rights you think THEY should have?
Seriously, this issue may seem complicated, but it really isn't. If you don't agree with same-sex marriage, then fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But think about it - do you really want to spend your time worrying about who other people love? Maybe if we all spent that time and energy focused on our own lives, our own marriages, our own families, then we'd see some true positive results in society. And maybe we'd realize that we all have the right to determine what is right for us...but not for other people.

Mom vs. Mom

So this is a topic that's kind of tricky. It's a secret, sort of, but not really. It's about how we moms are REALLY judgemental about other moms and vice versa. See? You know exactly what I'm talking about...except it's something that very few of us will cop to it. I guess no one wants to admit that they're guilty of it, but the truth is that I think most of us are.

Anyway, I was dropping Sabrina and Nathan off at school and overheard one of the other mothers of a 2-year-old chatting with a teacher and saying "Yeah, wow, Tom [not really his name] is just so tired all the time, and I don't know what to do about it." And the teacher goes "Oh yeah? What time does he go to bed?" "Oh," said the mom, "I dunno. Around 9pm."

At which point I'm sure my eyes widened, but hopefully no one saw it. And you know what I was thinking, don't you: "OMG, your kid goes to bed at 9pm? And he's 2? And you can't figure out WHY HE'S SO FREAKING TIRED ALL THE TIME??"

Yeah, hmmm, judge much? The thing is that yes, I do. And so do you. Admit it. We all do. And it's not like I'm the perfect parent, far from it! I'm absolutely sure other parents watch and hear me and think all sorts of judge-y things about me too.

The question is, why are we against each other like this? Why wasn't my first instinct to think "Oh, there must be a reason why he goes to bed that late and maybe there are other factors, like maybe he's not napping well." Not "You suck as a mother! Put your kid to bed earlier!"

??

A multi-tasking marvel? Or disaster?

So I'm back. Again. And yes, it has been too long. Again.
People, I just don't know how to do it all and it frustrates me no end. I'm a mom to 3 kids under the age of 5 and I work part-time from home. Between those 2 things, I'm fried. Stick a fork in me, 'cuz I'm done.
But here's the thing - I want and need a life that's at least a little bit about me. I'd like to at least be on the radar screen. And writing, while that's also my career, is the thing that I'd like to have more time to do. For this blog, and also in terms of getting some mommy-related writing done that I could possibly earn some income from, like articles and the like.
Sigh. See what just happened there? It started out about me (me!) and instantly turned to earning income, which is about this family and not really about me.
Is there no dividing the 2? Seems possibly not. I don't know. How do the rest of you do it? How are you a good mom, a good wife (don't even get me started on that), a good employee and hey, a good YOU?

Blast from the past

So it's been, I don't know, forever since I last wrote on this blog. And part of me honestly didn't think I'd ever do it again, because I obviously cannot be trusted to do it on a regular basis, and why do something if you aren't going to do it all the way?

Well, those points still remain valid. But I've been surrounded by some really good blogs lately and some really interesting thoughts contained within about motherhood and parenthood and, well, just BEING-hood. And I couldn't resist adding my thoughts to all those other thoughts out there in the ether.

So here I am. And first I must say, since my last posts found me pregnant and needing to pee, that both issues resolved themselves. The first was resolved with the birth of Elijah on May 22nd. The second resolved itself as well with the birth of Elijah on May 22nd.

And now, in true life-with-a-baby fashion, Eli just woke up and now I have to go take care of him. More soon.

Maybe I'm crazy after all

The test results are back. I am not diabetic. The clinic accidentally threw away my urine sample, but my doctor strongly doubts that I have another UTI as I am finishing antibiotics for the first one.

So the official prognosis is "bad luck" and I've been advised by my doctor to "keep holding it in there!' Yes, she literally said that.

In other words, this is miserable but apparently part of the pregnancy, and she hopes it will resolve after the baby is born. In 3 months.

I'm frustrated to many extremes by this. For one, life is pretty miserable when all you have to do is go to the bathroom. What a pathetic thing to be fixated on. For another, this is in all probability my last pregnancy, and I'd really like to enjoy the last 3 months. The final trimester has always been my favorite, being all round and funny and feeling the baby move around. It will be much less fun like this.

Again, I get it that many women would pay big bucks to be in my shoes, pee and all, and to them I duck my head respectfully. I know that this seems petty in a lot of ways. (Or potty. Ha ha.)

But in the day-to-day sense, the "how do I function with two small children and work and a life when I walk around all day miserable?" sense, I feel frustrated. And angry. And incredulous that there's nothing to be done.

Misery in the making?

So I finally had my doctor's appointment today. I dutifully drank my glucose and had my blood drawn, and the results of that test will be known tomorrow. They also took another urine sample, and my doctor did an ultrasound to see if the baby's head is banging against my bladder. Which it isn't.

Barring the test results, it seems that nothing dramatic looks wrong. My constant and overwhelming need to go to the bathroom may just be because of the way the baby is sitting in my belly...and that means there's nothing to be done.

"You might just be miserable for the rest of the pregnancy," my doctor said brightly to me.

So much easier said than done. I know I should be grateful nothing serious is wrong, and we actually can't rule out diabetes until the test results come back, but the thought of having no relief from this for the next 3 months is crazy-making. It's enough to make me want to cry in frustration. Go a little bit nuts.

Here's a few examples - my in-laws are in town, and I thought that perhaps we'd take advantage of having babysitters and go see a movie, me and the hubby. But then I realized that there's no way I can last through an entire 2 hour movie without having to get up to have to pee. At least a couple of times, if not more.

Then I thought, well, hey, I have this gift certificate for a massage that I could go use this weekend. Lord knows I could use the stress relief. Then I realized that there's no way I can lie on a table and be massaged for an hour and not need to go to the bathroom. Even a half-hour massage seems unlikely.

John, bless his heart, made me a lovely bubble bath earlier this week, complete with candles. It was romantic and sweet and meant to help me relax. And yup, you guessed it, about 15 minutes into it, I had to go to the bathroom.

It's so not funny any more. I'm feeling despair.

OH, and then there's the fact that I apparently gained 10 pounds since my last doctor's visit 3 weeks ago. Sure, you might think, that's what you get for eating like a pregnant woman. But the fact is, I've actually been very careful to eat healthfully - cottage cheese and fruit for breakfast, a salad for lunch, soup for dinner, etc., etc. There's no freaking way I have gained the weight from what I have been eating.

So what gives? Is it yet another symptom of something that can't be properly diagnosed? Is the baby just going nuts in there?

I feel very out of control when it comes to my body right now, and I'm not enjoying it. Not at all.

Should fertility treatments be limited?

Along with the rest of the country, I have to admit I was intrigued by the story of the Southern California mom who recently gave birth to 8 children...and has 6 more at home.
Although we have not heard from the mother herself, her own mother has spoken up and claimed that her daughter is "obsessed" with having children, and since she cannot conceive naturally, has used fertility treatments to have all of her children.
It should probably be noted that the mother, Nadya Suleman, is not married. Or should it?
This whole thing raises a lot of questions. Is it okay for a single parent to have multiple children without a supporting parent present?
Is it more okay or less okay if that single parent conceives the children naturally?
Say the parent is married and just really, really loves children. Is there a limit at which someone has had enough children? Who would set such a limit?
And what about the whole carrying of 8 children at once? That's a huge stress on a body, not to mention the babies. Should there be a limit on how many embryos are acceptable? Again, who would set that limit?
Well, it does seem that someone would like to set a limit, or at least strong recommendations. In June, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) issued updated "Guidelines on Number of Embryos Transferred." Women under age 35 - the octuplets' mom is reportedly 33 - should attempt to transfer no more than two, and preferably only one, fertilized embryo at a time. Women over age 40 should attempt no more than five.
(Source: http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20090204/hl_time/08599187623200)
A former nanny to Suleman said that she was told at one point that the mother did not have to pay for her multiple fertility treatments, because it was paid for by another party. No further details were given.
Hmmm. I don't know exactly where those funds came from, but I do know that fertility treatments are very expensive. Should, perhaps, that money be put towards the care of her current children?
Another issue that has been raised is that of the cost of raising 8 babies all at once - not a small issue, as anyone raising one or more children can attest. A news story recently reported that the mother had already been receiving TV, magazine, and book offers to tell her story. So should we assume that the children will be cared for using that money? Did the mother assume that such offers would be forthcoming?
Of course, we don't have any of these answers. But I can't help but ask them.
I must say, that although I have been very blessed with my children and have not faced fertility issues, I have friends who have - and I have witnessed just how difficult, painful, and expensive such a thing can be. So my heart goes out to any woman or couple who wants a child and has difficulty having one. I am not against fertility treatments, especially when it can give a baby to a family who desperately wants that child. Or even children, as fertility treatments commonly result in multiple births.
But 8?
As always, I welcome your comments!