Mommy Dearest

So you know those moms, the kind who always have totally healthy, perfectly packed snacks with them at the park for their kids? You know, the kind who always seem to know exactly what to say to their children, even when the kid is being a total pain, the ones who seem to have endless reserves of patience? I am not one of those moms. I want to be. In fact, I think of those moms when my daughter acting like a maniac, and instead of rising to the occasion and being kind and gentle and serenely guiding her through the moment, I'm snapping like a wild turtle instead. I always think guiltily of those moms and wonder what they would have done and how they would have handled it differently. And then I feel even worse, because who doesn't want to be a better mother?

But here's the other thing I think (hope?) - maybe those moms do the exact same thing in the privacy of their own homes, when there are no other moms around to watch and evaluate how they are handling the situation. Maybe they snap at their kids too and don't think of the right thing to say all the time, much less say it. This makes me feel better, and I hope I'm right about it. In the meantime, I really do need to try harder to stay calm and gentle as much as possible. (Although a friend just emailed me and reminded me that sleep deprivation is a form of torture and that Navy Seals who were woken up every two hours for a week or two began to buckle. So that makes me feel a little better. Blame the sleep deprivation. Life will get better when my newborn starts to sleep more than a couple of hours at a time.) Right?